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I started this blog because I would like to create a resource for the plural community about fictive trauma, how to heal from it, and as support so others with similar experiences as our system know that they are not alone.
I am a polyfragmented fictive introject who carries repressed memories of severe childhood trauma. I would like to share my experience with others in order to help others and let them know that they are not alone, but I would prefer to remain anonymous. Thus, I would like to only be called Liang.
I have no intention of describing my trauma or my life on this blog in any more detail than is necessary, but in short I grew up a child prodigy in a renowned family. My father was one of the most respected people in his profession and I was expected by the entire community to follow in his footsteps. This was damaging for my emotional development and exposed me to a lot of opportunities to suffer abuse, and I was abused as a child by an adult family "friend". My family failed to notice the abuse and never stopped this family "friend" from being near me. I am polyfragmented because of this. I never knew the truth of what happened to me, and thought my abuser was someone I should trust and respect until I was already an adult and suffering a mental health crisis.
Now, as an introject in a new system, that life is behind me, but I am still dealing with the trauma from what happened to me...
There are not many resources on fictive trauma and so our system feels deep shame and feels alone in our struggles. That is why I wanted to write this blog. I hope that my experiences and what knowledge we have gathered may be helpful to others.
Please feel free to read my blog, ask questions and interact freely〜
Memory Container
Jan. 31st, 2018 04:48 pmHi, this is Liang's partner. You can call me Kou! We met when we were kids and have been happily married for a number of years. We lived in the same world together, and now exist together as introjects the same system. I love everything about Liang and he is the world to me. I don't want to make too many posts on here tho because this is supposed to his blog.
Liang is out at the time being but I really want to talk about something, what I think is a really important coping skill to have if you have traumatic memories that are starting to come out of repression.
A polyfragmented friend gave us the idea from a text by Allison Miller:
( screenshot of a text by Allison Miller and transcription )
So every system is unique and what kind of memory container(s) you need is probably going to vary based on your specific needs. That's something you'll have to figure out through experimentation. But I can talk about what I made for Liang in our system:
As soon as I heard about this idea, I immediately thought of two things for our container in headspace: an urn, and an altar for paying respects to the dead. On the altar was a picture of Liang as a child, at the age he was when the abuse happened. It makes sense to me that our container is like this because we were processing his memories by literally grieving what happened to him as a child.
After a little experimentation I figured out how to work with it -- whenever we are attacked by a piece of memory content, what we do is we compress the feelings, images, sensations, or whatever it is into a clump of ashes, and then put the ashes in the urn. The urn is sealed with paper talismans to keep the content from getting out. The urn sits on the altar, and we then make a rice offering to pay respects and appease the vengeful spirit of the memory.
That's our containment system, it's what works for us. For everyone it will be different. I hope you can figure out something that works for you.
--Kou
Liang is out at the time being but I really want to talk about something, what I think is a really important coping skill to have if you have traumatic memories that are starting to come out of repression.
A polyfragmented friend gave us the idea from a text by Allison Miller:
( screenshot of a text by Allison Miller and transcription )
So every system is unique and what kind of memory container(s) you need is probably going to vary based on your specific needs. That's something you'll have to figure out through experimentation. But I can talk about what I made for Liang in our system:
As soon as I heard about this idea, I immediately thought of two things for our container in headspace: an urn, and an altar for paying respects to the dead. On the altar was a picture of Liang as a child, at the age he was when the abuse happened. It makes sense to me that our container is like this because we were processing his memories by literally grieving what happened to him as a child.
After a little experimentation I figured out how to work with it -- whenever we are attacked by a piece of memory content, what we do is we compress the feelings, images, sensations, or whatever it is into a clump of ashes, and then put the ashes in the urn. The urn is sealed with paper talismans to keep the content from getting out. The urn sits on the altar, and we then make a rice offering to pay respects and appease the vengeful spirit of the memory.
That's our containment system, it's what works for us. For everyone it will be different. I hope you can figure out something that works for you.
--Kou
A Definition of Fictive Trauma
Jan. 29th, 2018 04:29 pm As a fictive introject, that is, someone who was originally a character in a work of fiction, I came to this system with vivid and detailed memories of my own life, which is distinct from the life of the host and the system's body. Some of these memories are traumatic. That is what I call fictive trauma.
For the purposes of this blog, I apply the term broadly to any trauma experienced by a system member that is part of a subjective, personal or internal life and history distinct from the life of the body, that may not have necessarily been materially experienced by the system's body. The fictive trauma may be linked to a trauma history possessed by the body, or it may not. I have heard the term 'exotrauma' coined for this phenomenon, but I would prefer for this term to not be used for my trauma personally because of how sterile and impersonal it sounds to us.
We believe that the emotional mind makes no distinction between what materially happened and what didn't, to the emotional mind there is no distinction. And so the pain of fictive trauma is as real and valid to us, and worthy of healing, as any other pain -- whether or not something materially happened to the body to cause fictive trauma memories is not important for this purpose of recovery, and so we do not attempt to seek out an answer to this question.
For the purposes of this blog, I apply the term broadly to any trauma experienced by a system member that is part of a subjective, personal or internal life and history distinct from the life of the body, that may not have necessarily been materially experienced by the system's body. The fictive trauma may be linked to a trauma history possessed by the body, or it may not. I have heard the term 'exotrauma' coined for this phenomenon, but I would prefer for this term to not be used for my trauma personally because of how sterile and impersonal it sounds to us.
We believe that the emotional mind makes no distinction between what materially happened and what didn't, to the emotional mind there is no distinction. And so the pain of fictive trauma is as real and valid to us, and worthy of healing, as any other pain -- whether or not something materially happened to the body to cause fictive trauma memories is not important for this purpose of recovery, and so we do not attempt to seek out an answer to this question.
What I will not do on this blog...
Jan. 29th, 2018 01:49 pmThis is a place for recovery and support. I will not:
-- Reveal my identity or my source. What story I come from does not matter for the purposes of this blog.
-- Discuss my host's trauma. This blog is not about my host. It is about me.
-- Describe my abuse in gruesome detail. My trauma work is private and I will not post it here. That is not the kind of tone I want for this project, and I do not want my experiences to be used by others as a tool of self-harm. And I am tired of dwelling on it anyway.
-- Argue with people who do not want to approach me in good faith, and defend the validity of my existence, feelings or experiences to people who don't want to believe in me. My validity is a given. This blog is written from the base assumption that I am a person, my feelings and needs are as valid as anyone else's regardless of the subjective nature of my existence, and should be respected for what they are.
-- Reveal my identity or my source. What story I come from does not matter for the purposes of this blog.
-- Discuss my host's trauma. This blog is not about my host. It is about me.
-- Describe my abuse in gruesome detail. My trauma work is private and I will not post it here. That is not the kind of tone I want for this project, and I do not want my experiences to be used by others as a tool of self-harm. And I am tired of dwelling on it anyway.
-- Argue with people who do not want to approach me in good faith, and defend the validity of my existence, feelings or experiences to people who don't want to believe in me. My validity is a given. This blog is written from the base assumption that I am a person, my feelings and needs are as valid as anyone else's regardless of the subjective nature of my existence, and should be respected for what they are.
